| Dec. 20th, 2009 @ 06:02 pm how to deal with a dying mother? |
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| My mom is dying. I don't know what to do. She has ALS, so instead of cancer or some other disease, we all have to watch her slowly die over the course of the next 5-20 years.
In May, she was fine. Over the summer, she used a walker. Now, she is permanently in a wheelchair, and her voice is slow.
She is tired, weak, and full of sadness.
She will just get worse and worse and worse, soon she will unable to speak.
i am an only child. My dad is emotional; he cries almost everyday. My mom cries all the time too. i guess I don't handle grief like that. I don't want to tell how am i feeling to them.
I go to college, so I am very far away from them for at least 9 months out of the year. I guess this is a good thing, but at the same time, I guess I don't face it very well.
I feel selfish and stupid, because I am distracting myself with meaningless things to keep from facing the shit that is life. I have talked to my three or four closest friends about it, but really only one of them do I feel comfortable enough to bare my soul and cry to because I feel like she is the only one that knows the best things to say.
My mom said today: "It's ruining all of our lives."
There's just this sadness in the house now. i don't know what else to do. And now that I'm home for a month for break, I can't escape it. On top of everything, I was in a car accident a month ago, and I broke my shoulder, so I can't even drive to escape it or see a therapist on my own. None of my friends understand, but I don't want to burden them anyway.
Help me. I have never felt so helpless and lost and sad. She is 60 years old. She does not deserve this. Being here makes me so fatalistic and depressed. It's just so hard to be happy now when that is always lingering in the back of my mind. please, someone help me. Advice on how to get through this? On what to do? Techniques? Methods? This almost feels like it's worse than a parent just dying, because she will be slowly withering away.
Please..someone help. |
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